stand still, whirlwind

time slips. i've got a truly weak grip.
she doesn't let me read. she doesn't let me write. he edges in, encouraging bile in my throat, and i'm done for.
she drives her crazy, and half the world around us. although i did not look homeward, the holidays have not been as low-key or stress-free as i'd have liked them. she initiates difficult conversations, dredges up words i'd rather show her on a page, inspires tears.
she flitters.
he's been absent. i've been thinking lots, dreaming hard, distracted much.
all she can do is lodge complaints about my world and repeat that that which does not kill one....
i love reading terminal market, mangoes, and not having to go to work.
i hate briskness, holiday hype, and trying to organize the files of my life.
i need to: not be so pissed off, find a functional venue, make us work a little better, strengthen my faltering voice.
here, it invited me to summarize my 2003 in 20 words or less. ever verbose, i went right to the limit:

vacation, exploration, frustration, desolation, actualization, appreciation, graduation, adoration, copulation, elation, procrastination, accomodation, rumination, procreation, tribulation, aggravation, desperation, visualization, anticipation


gratification.

preemptive, but it could be more than another five days, already into 2004, before i manage again.